Instant Excuse Letter to Santa

This is super-easy to use. Just fill in a few key points that are unique to your situation and our crack, smoking-hot software will whip you out a letter so convincing even Santa will give you a pass for any and all "bad" behavior since last Christmas.

What is your first name?

Something bad you did this year:

Your boss, or someone else who is mean to you:

What is their relationship to you? (one word please):

Use one adjective to say how awesome you are—don't be shy:

Choose a descriptive adjective like "hot," "cold," "massive," or "steaming":

Something unpleasant like "coal," or "poo":

Your favorite vice that can fit in a bag


Handy excuses to get you out of *any* jam!

Over 40% of all employees have been caught lying about being sick (according to That’s a crime against humanity! Free-market capitalism cannot sustain this level of incompetence! The world needs better excuses. Pick one below the next time you need an out.

If you can’t be good—don’t get caught lying about it. Click any link below for the source.

table of excuses for bad behavior

Excuse / reason Gets you out of Best used with Believability
Claim that you are a nun, and argue the point Speeding tickets A straight face (a plastic Jesus might help) 17.5%
“I stopped to help deliver a baby on the freeway, but then…” Relationship trouble A fake traffic ticket you can customize! 87%
"OMG! Uber is surging 2.8x… Raincheck?" A blind date A cell phone (just wave it at them) and a sense of urgency 100%
“I got caught cheating and I have to find the various dumpsters s/he put all my stuff in.” Having to show up for work at all A bad cell phone connection 64%
“My (spouse/BF/GF/dog) just called me from jail in Tijuana.” Going to school for a week! Fake urgency (pretend you have to pee “right now!”) 73%
“I think my grandmother poisoned me last night with her cooking.” Having to show up for work “on time” Sound effects from the bathroom 98.3%
“Hey! I know that guy!” Jury duty A point and a wave 52%

NOTE: If this is your first time using an excuse, or you need a primer, check out this crash course in how to tell a good lie:

Give a better excuse than you would otherwise

Tips on getting out of work (so someone else can do it for you)

The top excuses RANKED by an independent service!

10 Seriously Perfect Excuses You Can Use To Get Out Of Work Today

Free ebook

~ Get our free guide to being bad! ~

Just in case you are running late on getting back on Santa's "good list" long enough to score some loot this year, it is important to know how much time you have left. Track Santa here. This link will take you to Google's Santa Tracker (he keeps slipping out of our cookie-shaped ankle bracelet monitoring devices). Knowledge is power, and knowing where the big red man is at all times (at least in December) is essential to keeping on his good side; trust us.